Once again I'm confronted with it taking a major catastrophe to remind me of my peaceful, grateful and calming mind.
I'm talking about what is currently going on in northern Japan and affecting our countries coast - the latest earthquake/tsunami catastrophe in recent years to saturate the media (and, I can at least scream a huge THANK YOU GOD that for once, news of one, drug addicted television situation comedy actor, teen actor or aging alcoholic anti-Semitic actor have been bumped from the daily headlines!!!) Tragic, though, it's takes an utter catastrophe and high death toll count.
I actually pinched a nerve between my shoulder blades on my upper back before ever stepping from my bedroom into the TV room this morning. Peace was no where to be found. Let me explain.
Dave gets up on average before 5AM every day. I could wake up and go back to sleep over and over again, every day, all day for the rest of my life, no matter how much sleep I've had the night before. I have waited all my life to be a morning person and accept that it will never happen. As I get older, I am convinced that even if my bladder wakes me up every hour on the hour during the night to pee I will always happily climb back into bed and under the covers and go back to sleep, dreading the alarm and family and morning waking me up all too soon.
Dave watched the news in the morning. He is a morning person. My mom is a morning person. These are people who from the moment their eyes snap open they are pleasant, forming intelligent thoughts and phrases and most to the point (and my dismay) include you in their plans, thoughts and phrases the moment they lay eyes on you - or me in my case, as I usually don't get out of bed until a good 2 hours after Dave. I have to remind him after ten years that he needs to give me a solid 5 minutes before, not speaking to me because that's just wrong I think, but hitting me with any kind of agenda of his whatsoever (I think this plan first initiated when I was on the toilet and from Dave's desk he was asking me about flight arrangements). I'm dramatic when I wake up. It never alters from whether or not I've had 5 hours of sleep or 10, or had wine the night before or chamomile tea, or heavy foods or healthy foods. My eyes are heavy and if I walk immediately into light (or if the light goes on suddenly) it's a HUGE shock to my system (visions of old scary movies when vampires hiss and back away as light begins to assault them through broken window cracks).
Then, there's my five year-old son who wakes up always after about two or three hours at night and crawls into our Queen sized bed in between us. I'm sure I wake up at least a dozen times through the night battling a knee in my back, tiny feet burrowing under my legs and 50 pounds pressing me further and further to the edge of the bed. So, who knows really, between that, peeing and my early riser husband, how restful any amount of nightly sleep I get?
Oh, we also have an 11 month old 12 pound ball of furry cat who decides somewhere around 5AM she wants to be with Dave. (Can't leave the door always open because of the 2 bedroom apartment thing and the TV, lights and kitchen being right on the other side - already I have an air purifier humming at night providing white noise to drown out any sounds of traffic and Dave in the morning).
This morning, Sophie began meowing to get out before 5AM. The light under our bedroom door confirmed Dave was indeed on the other side, as did the low murmur of the television. I stumbled over to the door and keeping my eyes closed and on inside of the door to maximize staying as close to asleep as possible under the circumstances I cracked the door for her escape. Only Sophie didn't escape. She hid under the bed. No amount of kissing sounds and purring coos brought her over. So, I returned to bed. Only to do this dance two more times in the next few minutes before finally I peeked out, saw Dave and squinting from the light piercing my eyes and trying to have the clearest and loudest voice over the TV possible (also trying very hard to be nice) I asked Dave to please do me a favor and close the door when he notices Sophie coming out because she won't come out when I come to the door and I've tried three times already. This did not get me the "sure honey" results I was hoping for but instead enlisted Dave to defend himself as if I just got angry at him for the cat waking me up and it's all his fault. We went back and forth several times and at that point, of course with the blood rushing faster through my veins, I was slowly waking up from the early morning sleep I was trying desperately to hang onto. The cat during all of this did leave on her own prompting me to utter "forget it" or something and going back to bed, only when I went to lay down I head-butted my son who had shifted from his middle position to my pillow. I was hurt. He was not (which, is really a good thing, but I was not thinking that at 5AM this morning after just getting into it with Dave and the cat all before 5AM I might add!) So, sitting up in bed, in the dark, away from Sam I hurled my upper body with both fists pounding on the bed silently three or four times hence, wait for it, the pinched nerve between my shoulder blades this morning. WHERE WAS MY PEACE THEN I ASK YOU?
I did manage to go back to sleep. So did my son, who woke me up four minutes before our 7AM alarm singing it's ring tone, the classic Sesame Street theme. When we walked out, Dave apologized for not understanding me earlier and said it was because he was in fact engrossed in the news about Japan and turned on CNN so I could witness the reports myself. At that moment, my calm and peace returned. I also woke up. Fully. All I could think about were the people I know in California and Seattle who didn't even know at 4AM their time what they were going to wake up to (Dave assured me they were all up high or inland and safe). I began absorbing the images on our TV screen of the cars being washed away like toys in my son's bath and thinking of all those people who are in the middle of this. Another catastrophe to bring me down to earth, balance my emotions, be grateful for mine and my families surroundings and health and calm my body and mind.
In yoga practice this morning, I focused much of my energy surrounding Japan and our coasts with healing light and love.
The challenge still remains for me to find this place without disaster.
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